I apologize for my lack of virtually anything interesting to write. Ever. So much going on, physically and mentally, yet I choose not to write about it for different reasons. There's been alot of change in the past few months. Many questions that should be asked and numerous answers that are feared.

I feel more a reader than a writer. There's nothing to say that hasn't already been said at some point in time, no analogy unused, no story that hasn't been told. There's only different ways to tell it, and most stories are impossible to improve. I could argue for or against any philosophy, but it's pointless, it's already been done. I wonder if individual thought exists.

There are, of course, so many shocking things I could show you, but choose not to. Ideas are constantly sparking in my brain, but I can't bring myself past the laziness to put them down, into words, or images. I lack the mere talent of doing so. My words don't perform the imagery that they should. They are never as great after being written as they once were in my head. Something is lost between the thought process and the fingers, I wish I could find where it goes.

I fear it's the same with spoken word, something's lost before it flows off the tip of the tongue, just as it is with the fingertips. At least when I want to, I can spend time at writing. Backspace. Edit. Delete. Spellcheck. Most of the time I just feel that I don't have the time to spend proofreading. I'm starting to feel that every minute is delicate. No time to be spared. Perhaps not living every day as if it was my last, for I don't want to spend every day morning my death, but indeed slowing down and finding--not finding--noticing everything that I love. The way people swerve around you while walking down the street, the way they run around like a chicken with their heads cut off as I sit there and watch. The taste of her lips, how they are sweeter than any that I've tasted before, and that I'll ever taste again. The way the smoke floats off the tip of my cigarette, swirling up into the air and lingering there for a moment before disappearing. The way I have been utterly intrigued with the stars now that I can see them more clearly, and finding the big-dipper being it's the only constellation that I know.